Never leave without saying goodbye
by fixusi
Summary: I didn't know this kind of pain could be real. - It's a hard, cold winter. Kili is on his way to a nearby village when a encounter with a big, black animal leaves him injured. Alone in the forest and unable to move, he faces another challenge - the weather isn't the best possible. How is he ever going to leave the forest alive? Hurt!Kili
1. Chapter 1: Big animal

An: I can't let go of The Hobbit just yet. This chapter is a bit short, but the other ones will be longer. Sorry for this, but I am super tired and yet wanted to publish this first chapter tonight.

Set before the book/movie. This takes place a year or two before the guest, but no specific ages. :p

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

* * *

I dodge the branch that seems to attack at me purely out of nowhere - it nearly hits me in the face, but only scratches my head, thanks to my reflexes. This is one reason more why I hate riding through snowy forests.

The freezing, but -thank Mahal- soft wind makes my hair fly everywhere, including my face. I brush it back, shaking my head. I'll kill Fili when I get back home. This was _his_ time to go to Eban. Not mine. I went there just last week! But I guess he couldn't help catching the cold. That is what mom said, at least. I'm sure that Fili was outside the whole day yesterday just to get sick. He hates the trips to Eban.

In my honest opinion, this four-hour ride is bearable when you think of how much it helps us. This winter came hard and sooner than normally, and cost us our food. We weren't prepared for the winter this early. And now it's too late. For our luck uncle made a deal with a rich family in Eban. They give us food and water, we go help them with different kinds of stuff when the spring comes. It helps both of us.

It still doesn't change the fact that it was _Fili's _turn to go and not _mine. _Now it's me who is out here and gets to freeze for another six to seven hours.

"Good girl", I mutter and pet my pony, for no reason to be honest. I just feel like it needs love, because it seems like I don't deserve it. Fili has gotten all the attention a few weeks now. He's learned a few tricks while battling and he's showing them off to everybody. Sometimes it seems as if I'm invisible to them, for now, at least.

I sigh. Okay. Maybe Fili deserves some attention as well, since I am the younger and usually get all the attention. But I _still_ feel bad.

The cold air makes my hair go up, even though I have layers and layers of clothing on. It's funny how cold works. There is no escape from it outside. It makes you feel like your bones are fully frozen. I wonder if animals, like my dear Shine -my pony-, feel cold like we do?

Slowly the minutes pass by. I have nothing else to do than think. I notice that the snow gets slowly thicker and thicker and Shine walks slower and slower. It has been snowing heavily the last few days, and now I can finally see how it has affected the nature. I think that if I jumped down now, I'd drown to the snow.

Most of the way to Eban goes in silence. And that's the way I like it, because first of all, sometimes it's nice to just sit in silence with just your own thoughts. Me and Fili are 'attached from the hip', as many dwarves put it, and even though Fili's company is never an un-wanted thing (even after a fight with him), it's always nice to have some time alone.

And second, I don't fancy the thought of slowly riding through a forest with all kinds of sounds following us. When it's silent, I know nothing is trying to attack us and eat us. So yes, I like riding in silence.

But as I said, _most _of the way to Eban goes in silence.

We're about an hour away from my destination, when a sound of a branch breaking echoes to my ears. It's weird, since the ground is covered with snow - it is almost impossible to break a branch by stepping on it when there is that much snow beneath your feet. So I just shrug it off, thinking it was just an old tree falling apart on its own somewhere near. Nothing to worry about.

I finally realize that maybe it wasn't just an old tree falling apart on itself when a large, black animal jumps in front of us. I can barely react before I am already in the snow, thrown by Shine. I manage to catch a glimpse of Shine landing back on its forelegs - I assume it really did throw me off of its back - before a wave of pain hits me and I realize that something is wrong with my leg.

Panic hits me. I know that the animal, or whatever it is, isn't eating me, because it's far away - I can hear it growling somewhere - so what is wrong with my leg then? I can't move it. I can't move it and it hurts and oh Mahal, the pain, go away, and what if that thing attacks me and I don't want to die like this-

"Calm down."

It's an order. Calm down, Kili. Take a deep breath. Find out what's wrong. Escape. But first things first. Where is the thing?

I look at the now empty space where Shine and the animal had been just a second ago. Where have they gone? Pain makes it hard to remember and think. I can't remember, no matter how hard I try.

"It doesn't matter now", I tell myself. "The animal is gone. You can find Shine later. But first you'll have to help yourself."

When I concentrate hard, I can feel my leg underneath the snow, partly bent under me in a way it should not bend. It's funny, how soft the snow is, but how hard it becomes when you fall on it. Or get thrown on it.

I know I have to pull my leg in front of me. I just don't know if I can. It will hurt, that's one thing I know, more than it already hurts.

"Count to three", I mutter, closing my eyes. "Count to three and pull it out of the snow."

I don't want to. I know I can't, and I don't want to. But I have to.

One. I take a deep breath and lean softly backwards. You can do this, and even if you can't, you will do it.

Two. As I slowly press my shaking hands on my leg and take a good grip, I realize that whatever is wrong with my foot, I will have to limp to Eban. It's closer than home and spending a night here would be my doom. But at the same time, if I did not return home in eight hours, I'm sure uncle Thorin would come to look for me.

One last deep breath, and I yank my leg free from the snow pinning it down. It takes no more than a second to the agonizing pain flare up and down inside my leg and for me to fall down on the snow, screaming. I didn't know this kind of pain could be real.

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Review! And if you have any ideas on how to continue, feel free to share them with me. I'm always open to new ideas - maybe a new ideas would make the fic even better! :'D


	2. Chapter 2: Pain helps

An: It's warm, oh my god. I've really missed the sun. And I still have five weeks holiday left - I'm living a dream.

So this chapter isn't long either. It's a bit hard to come up with something to write when Kili has pretty much nothing to do in there wherever he is. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter too.

_It takes 1-2 hours for a normal person to have the first effects of hypothermia if laying in snow. First symptoms are violent shudders and difficulties in thinking, including clouded judgement that can cause you to even take off some of your clothes. If your body temperature keeps lowering, you'll eventually go unconscious. If your body cools even more, you'll muscles stiffen and your heart and breathing will stop. _

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

I have never really enjoyed snow. I mean, it's beautiful, I give it that. But it's cold and watery and just.. just a big no. And this, my situation right now, doesn't help my dislike.

The pain in my leg - I've noticed that it's actually my ankle that is causing the pain - has gone away for the moment. It's only bearable throbbing now. I can feel it, and the throbbing that seems to go with the rhythm of my heartbeat doesn't go away, but it's not agonizing pain anymore. I don't know. Maybe I should thank snow for numbing the pain for me, I'm not sure. Mahal, it's still hard to concentrate on anything.

It's quiet again. As I'm laying on my back on the snow, shivers running down my body, I notice that it really is quiet. I can hear nothing but my own breathing. Not even birds. Not wind. Just nothing. Maybe it's a good thing? I hope so.

For how long have I just laid here? I'm not sure of that, either. It seems like maybe ten or fifteen minutes, but I can never know. I think my head might fool me here. It's probably longer than that. Or shorter.

I groan in frustration. I don't know _anything _and it's really starting to annoy me. I can only guess!

This is stupid. I shouldn't be here. It was _Fili's _turn and not mine! What did I ever do to deserve this? Stupid animal. Stupid Fili. I'm in this situation just because he was out for way too long and got sick.

But what if Fili was here and not me? With a broken ankle, alone, in pain.

Only the thought makes me shudder. Maybe I haven't done anything to deserve this, but Fili wouldn't have deserved this either. So maybe it's just good it's me and not him. He always worries about me. Way too easily, if you ask me, but in this case, it might save me. He'll go look after me - or sends uncle Thorin, if mom doesn't let him go - and I'll be home in no time.

I smile. It's relaxing to know that they care and _will _come look for me, it's just a matter of time. I just have to survive until they come. I know I can do it.

A violent shudder shakes my body. I'm so cold.

I will survive, I know it. But they better come soon. I want home. It's cold, and I hate it.

xx

How long has it been now? I must have drifted out. It is much darker now than the last time I opened my eyes. Gosh, I'm tired. Weird.

Is it the snow that makes me tired? The cold? To be honest, I'm not even so cold anymore. It's good. I'm actually a bit warm. And my ankle doesn't hurt that much. It just throbs. Everything is alright. I think. It's hard to be sure of anything. It's all so misty somehow.

The sky is beautiful, I have to admit. The sky? Did I say sky? I can't recall, really. The clouds are beautiful. That's what I meant. The clouds. They are covering the sky so I can't see it, but they are just beautiful. So grey. I like grey as a color. It makes me think of someone.

But who? Oh yeah, Fili. He has always this grey shirt on. It's soft, the shirt, I mean. I wish I could have a shirt as soft as that.

I wiggle my toes to check if they are still moving. And they move. That's good. I know that if they won't move, it's a bad situation for me. But they move. And it's a great feeling. I might have hit my head -did I hit my head? I must have hit my head. Otherwise everything wouldn't be this hard- but I can still think. Somehow, at least.

So, if I've only hit my head, why am I lying here? Why aren't I walking to the place where I was meant to go? I have to go there. Because Fili is sick and he can't -what would mom think if I didn't do as I promised? She would think I'm not trustworthy, even though I am! I have never broken a promise and I never tell secrets to anyone if I promise not to. I'm a trustworthy person and I don't want to break this promise either.

But to go to the city, I have to get up, don't I? It would help walking, I guess. But Mahal, it's just so soft here, and warm, and comfy. I kinda like this snow beneath me. It's special.

"Kili, get up", I whisper to myself. "Otherwise you'll break your promise." My voice is hoarse. Why?

Okay. I can do this. I can, and I will get up, and I will walk to the place where I was meant to go. Because I don't break promises.

I take a deep breath in and raise my upper body with my arms. I immediately smile when I feel nothing in my head - maybe my head isn't hurt anymore, maybe I can walk without feeling ill. I hope so.

Then I start to move my right leg so that the right knee is in the air. Easy. And left-

I can't help the scream escaping my lips when I move my foot. It _hurts, _and I remember, it's not my head I hit but my ankle, oh Mahal, how could I be so stupid, what's wrong with me? It's hurts and I can't move it without hurting it more and I want the pain to end right now - I drop my leg back to the place and position where it was before and let my body fall back to the snow.

I breathe way too heavily as I try to bite my lip through the burning pain inside my ankle. At least the pain made my head work clearly. So there is even something positive in all this.

No moving, I get it.

But if I cannot move, what can I do? The cloud I have been staring at for Mahal-knows-how-long looks a bit threatening now, like it will start shooting snow at me any minute now.

A violent shudder shakes my body, and suddenly I'm freezing again. But I guess this is good. I shouldn't feel warm when I'm laying in the snow. It's better this way. In pain and uncomfortable.

Should I take a look at my left ankle? I haven't looked at it, not once. I don't know what it looks like.

But to do that, I'd have to sit up. One wrong move will send another wave of blinding pain up my leg, I know. But at the same time, I'm curious. Should I take a look? Well, who could say no to me here? It's up to me to decide whether to check it out or not.

Of course. I'm alone.

I roll my eyes ans sigh. It's still hard to concentrate.

Pushing that thought away, I decide to take a look. Mom has always told me that it's good to know what you are dealing with - and in this situation, it means that it's good to know what has happened. It never hurts to know.

Slowly I push my upper body up again. My arms feel powerless, but I do it. I can't turn into a weak small dwarf now if I want to survive.

And when I take a look at the ankle, I wish I hadn't.

It's twisted to an odd angle. I can't really see if it's swollen or what color the skin is, since I still have my boots on, but I can guess. Purple or blue is my guess, and pretty swollen, when I compare it to the ankle that's alright. My right foot fits the shoe perfectly, but my left foot is way too big. It hurts a little, to be honest. But definitely not as much as the ankle itself.

I throw my back down again, wanting to rest a bit. My back aches. I want someone to come already. What is taking them so long?


	3. Chapter 3: Asleep

An: I'm overwhelmed by how you seem to think this fic is well done! So thank you:)

_Oh, and we are leaving to Berlin next Wednesday, and I doubt that I'll be able to write there, much at least. We'll be staying for only six days, but that's six days pause from publishing anything. I won't take my laptop with me, so even if we have wifi in our hotel.. I hope you understand :)_

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

I sigh as I shift on my bed. I hate being sick. The constant coughing makes me feel like my lungs will soon be on the floor and even uncle Thorin has come a little impatient with me. I'm just too tired to do anything, really. Getting up from the bed to eat something is a struggle. How I love having fever.

And it's boring. Kili is on his way to the town, so he's not here to keep me company. Mom is busy doing household works and uncle is somewhere, probably out getting us more firewood. It's cold outside and the wind tends to find its way in from some small hole somewhere, making the air inside cool as well. I'm happy I have my blanket to keep me warm.

The front door downstairs opens -I can hear it- and someone comes in. Mom says something to the visitor, and the visitor leaves with an apology. For a moment I lay there, enjoying the warmth, but little by little curiosity takes over. I take a deep breath and leave my warm, comfortable bed. I make my way downstairs, where mother is sitting in the kitchen and drinking tea.

She lowers her mug as she sees me and eyes me. "What are you doing up from bed, Fili?" Her voice is caring and even a little bit worried.

"I'm bored", I say and sit down, on the chair opposite of mom. "Who was that?"  
"Gimli came and asked if you could go help him with something."  
"Why did you send him away? I could have helped him with whatever he needed help with", I tell her, honestly feeling strong enough. As far as I know Gimli, he needed help with getting his axe free from the tree where he threw it a bit too hard, or that I'd have to help him clear their yard of snow, or something as easy.

Mom sighs, shaking her head. She takes a sip of her tea, and I shoot a questioning look at her. "What?"

"You are not healthy enough, Fili. You must stay in bed or you will never get better", she says and raises her eyebrow. "Do you understand?"

I fight against the urge to snort, succeeding. "If you say so, mom."

She gives me a warm smile, and I grin quickly back. "Your brother will be back in two hours, I'm sure he'll keep you company when he returns."

"You're right", I mutter and head back upstairs.

xx

I wake up covered in cold sweat and my clothes glued to my body. I bolt up, throwing the blanket to the corner of my room. I need fresh air now.

As I hurry downstairs, I notice how dark it has gotten. Dark means it's darker inside and that means I can sneak out for a minute without mom necessarily noticing. I've never been this sweaty, I need cold air even though I'm still kinda freezing, even when inside.

I jump off from the last step of the stairs and stop. I hear mom and uncle Thorin talking somewhere. They sound... worried? Why?

Silently I sneak closer to the living room, where I hear they are. I step into the room, cautious. Things do not look good. Mom has buried her head into her palms and uncle is stiffened in a way that tells me something is wrong.

"Hey", I say, and just now they notice me. Mom looks panicked for a second when she sees me. What has happened?

She doesn't even have time to open her mouth before I realize it. Kili isn't home yet.

Uncle looks at me in a way that makes me want to run away from the room. "Fili-" mom starts, but I cut her off.  
"It's Kili, isn't it? He's not home yet." My voice shakes.

I really, really hope they would shake their heads and laugh at me for falling into their foolish trap, and that Kili would run to the room and laugh at me, too. But no. Mom ducks her head and Thorin's eyebrows furrow. And I know I'm right.

"What are we waiting for, then? Lets go find him!" I yell, my heart starting to race in my chest. "Mahal knows how long he has been out there, injured, or worse!"

Thorin stands up and looks at me with his deep brown eyes. "I know, and I am leaving as soon as I can."

"Good. I'm coming with."

I can feel mom staring at me even though I can't see her. "You are sick, Fili", uncle says. "You are going to stay here."

No way. Not in million years. My brother is out there, maybe badly injured, in cold, and they aren't letting me go? "And Kili might be in even worse condition than me. I will be okay, mom, I promise. And even if I wouldn't, I'd still go."

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?" mom groans almost angrily, and I glance at her.

"He's my _brother. _That should explain it."

My mother and my uncle exchange a long look, and I have no other option than to just stand there and wait. Then uncle Thorin finally sighs and nods. "Fine. But dress warmly."

He doesn't need to tell that again. I run upstairs to our room to get some more clothes on. _Hold on Kili, wherever you are, we are coming. But if you are just fooling with us, prepare yourself, because I will hurt you for making me worry for nothing._


	4. Chapter 4: Memories

An: So. First things first, sorry for being awfully late with this one! I _really _am sorry. I'll be on time from now on - these past two weeks after I got from Germany have been three things. One, busy. Two, full of excitement and friends. Three, full of anger and foes. I'm not blaming those things for my lateness, but they are a part of it.

Second thing, it's late, so forgive any typos I could have made that my beta doesn't notice - like their vs. they're. Stuff like that happens. I'll try my best, though.

Three, there is maybe one or two chapters after this. Just felt like telling this to you. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

* * *

The first thing I notice when I am starting to wake up again, is the snow. Not that snow that's on the ground already, no, but that new snow that's covering me.

I blink a few times, just taking in all the new information. It's snowing and it feels like all the snow is slowly falling on my face - thankfully it all melts immediately. I am freezing but I assume I am still warm enough to melt the small flakes of snow. Well, I have to be. How else would they melt?

_Head, please, work well, _I plead. This is frustrating! I can't think about anything without having troubles - not even as simple things as snow melting on my face.

Oh Mahal, it's snowing, I realize. It's definitely not a good thing.

I support my upper body with my elbows as I lift my torso and head up, careful not to move my leg. I somehow remember the pain moving my leg had caused me - when was it again? I can't be sure. Maybe fifteen minutes, maybe two hours ago. But I remember the agonizing pain and it's enough for me not to move it.

The sudden, hard and cold breeze, that feels like my bare skin -face- is being stabbed by needles, makes me cringe. I sit fully up and hug myself, trying to ease the freezing sensation slowly making its way through my skin and into my bones. Suddenly I'm shaking again.

_Fili, _I remember. I remember of thinking about him earlier.

Maybe.

It doesn't matter. As I hug myself even tighter and harder, that one word crosses my mind over and over again. I want my brother here.

Time passes even slower than before, I'm sure of it. As I rock my body in the cold snow and freezing breeze, my thoughts somehow manage to wander. I smile as I remember that one time when we had trouble because of the snow.

_"Mom! Mom!" I cried as I ran towards our house, tears streaming down my face. Fili was running after me, yelling at me to stop running, but I didn't. "Mom!" _

_"Shut up, Kili! Stop!" Fili yelled, and I shook my head, yelling mom again. "Kili! Please!" _

_Maybe Luck is an existing, weird but existing, being. Because I assure you he wasn't on my side that day. _

_I ran forward as fast as I could in the thick snow. The tears felt like they were frozen on my cheek by now - and that was a high possibility, actually. But it didn't keep me from running for my life. Soon enough, though, Fili reached me and grabbed me by the collar, yanking me down to the snow with one pull. _

_In_ _seconds Fili sat on my stomach, making my body fall through the snow even deeper. "I told you not to tell mom!"  
"You threw a ball made of snow at me and it hurt, Fili!" _

I don't remember how old we were back then. Young, that I know.

_"You annoyed me!"  
__"No, I did not!" _

_A voice broke our fight. "Boys?" _

_Both of our heads snapped to the direction of the sound. I couldn't see anything because of the snow, but I could tell it was uncle Thorin speaking. No dwarf had a voice like his. _

_"Fili, what's happening here?" and footsteps towards us. Snow making a funny sound.  
"Nothing", Fili quickly said, standing up.  
"Why are you sitting on your brother? You might hurt him. You aren't so small anymore, Fili, you know that." _

_I took the chance and shot up, pointing at Fili with my small finger. "He threw a snowball at me! And it hit my face and now my cheek hurts!" _

_Uncle Thorin gave Fili a glare as Fili's mouth opened. "You are stupid, Kili!"  
"Am not! You are!"  
_

The memory makes me grin. It's a happy memory even though it felt bad at that moment. It turned out that mom wasn't even angry at Fili, just scolded him for making my feelings hurt and that he should be the smarter of us because he was older.

Well.. that mom got right. Fili is smarter. If I was as smart as he is I would have faked sick too and stayed home and someone else would be here instead of me!

But that wouldn't be very nice, would it? Just the thought of mom or uncle Thorin here, freezing and with a non-working head and a ankle bent in a weird position... the thought makes me shiver. Or is it the wind that is still blowing directly at me? I can't tell. Either way, I'm shivering and cold and in pain.

Someone, please.

I'm waiting.

* * *

I must have passed out. Voices. Distant, but still voices.

Oh, but they are coming closer. I should open my eyes. What if they aren't friendly? I can hear .. horses? Or ponies? I can't tell, but it definitely is a horse or a pony. I think.

Come on, why is this so hard? I just want to open my eyes, not become a king or anything.

This is hopeless.

-here! I found Ki-

Hey! I know that... that voice. Could it be? Come on, make another sound. I want to know for sure.

-ey! Kili? Oh Mahal, I'm sor-

No. What if I'm making it up? What if I'm dreaming? If I let myself believe that Fili is actually here then I'll surely be disappointed. He cannot be here. He's home, sick. No way mom would let him out in that condition.

Why is it suddenly so warm?

-s surely broken. I can't tell for sure, but I'm positive about it. We need to get him home-

Another voice! Uncle?

-xactly you think we are able to do that! Look at him-

-find a way-

-sure?

-am not sure. But it's the only way we can do it-

A sigh from Fili.

-kay, fine. Be careful.

-n't worry about it-

I can feel a hand wrapping around my body. So I am not dreaming!

My happiness is short-lived, because in an instant - a flashing pain. I open my mouth and scream. I don't even hear what Fili is saying to me before I already pass out - but it's better that way.

I hope.

* * *

So Kili has been found! Reviewers get a hug and a free puppy or a kitten or even a turtle - your choice :'D


	5. Chapter 5: Fever and broken ankles

An: I... yeah. I am terribly sorry.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

I don't even know how we are going to be able to get Kili back home. It's dark and it's snowing hard and he is limp and unconscious and his ankle is _definitely _broken. But somehow uncle manages to get Kili on his pony and hold him so he won't fall.

And for some reason I can't stop staring at my brother. My blood runs cold every time I think about him but I can't stop staring at him.

He is terribly pale and his lips have a blue shade of color. His head is limp against uncle Thorin's shoulder as we ride slowly forward. His ankle is twisted in an odd angle, and I can't even begin to imagine what it looks like under his shoe - or how much it hurts. Well, it definitely hurts enough to make my little brother scream and pass out.

Uncle Thorin doesn't say anything, so neither do I. There's nothing to say anymore, really, we found Kili and we're heading back home, and that is all that matters. But I'm also angry at Kili. How could he let this happen? He should've been more careful and this could have been avoided. And I also know it's not really his fault. It was me who should have been there today.

After a way that feels twice as long as it really is, we arrive home. I jump down from my pony and run inside, not bothering to tie it up just yet, because who cares if one pony runs away - we need to help Kili first.

"Mom!" I yell as I get inside, snow falling off my shoulders and head on to the floor. "We found him!"

"Is he alive?" mom asks as she walks over to me in hurry. I nod as an answer and lead her outside, back to Thorin and my little brother.

"Dís, his ankle looks bad. We'll have to carry him inside really carefully", Thorin says when they are close enough. "I will carry him, support you his head. Fili, could you run inside and make his bed ready?"

I sprint back inside with "of course". It won't take them long to carry him to our room, so I'll have to hurry a bit. He needs warmth right now, not too much, but still warmth.

Just after I changed his pillow to a softer one and took his blanket away, uncle and mom come in and gently lay my brother down. He is shaking a little now, but that is only a good sign, isn't it? _I hope so_.

Mother and uncle fuss around him for a while, changing his clothes to dry ones and fixing his leg a little and things like that. I sit on my own bed, watching them and my brother. I have never seen mom so worried before or uncle so caring. His moves are soft and gentle and I almost feel jealous of the affection he gets from mom and uncle Thorin.

When mom and uncle finally leave, they tell me to watch over him for a while longer, in case he wakes up and needs something. "Even though I highly doubt that he'll wake up anytime soon", uncle adds when mom is gone. And even though I wouldn't want to, I agree with him.

So I just sit for a while, thinking about stuff, before finally rolling over to sleep. It takes a while for me to fall asleep though, because every sound Kili makes causes me to jump up, but after a while I drift off.

I wake up to a moan. I have no idea what time it is, but it's still dark outside, so it can't be morning yet. I shot up from my bed and fall on my knees next to Kili's bed, only seeing him as a dark figure in our room that has no light. "Kili?" I ask silently. "Are you awake?"

I can't really see if he's awake, but something tells me he's not completely unconscious. Maybe it's my big brother instinct or whatever, but I still just _know_ he can hear me.

_Mahal, it's cold in here. Or it might just be my fever._

I get up and get my blanket on my shoulders before coming back to my brother's bed again. "Kili", I repeat. "I'm here. You're home, you're okay."

A wave of relief washes over me as my brother silently answers me. "Fili?"

I can't help the smile rising on my lips. "Yeah, I'm right here next to you. Mom and uncle are sleeping so we should be quiet now, okay?"

He nods, I can see his head rising and going down again. I huff a little. Kili, who is probably in pain and is still out of everything and most likely confused, still obeys me. I feel kinda bad for some reason, even though I know that I shouldn't because why on middle-earth should I feel bad right now? He's awake and that is all that matters now.

He is _alive. _Mahal knows, if it had been me out there hurt like that..

"Are you okay?" I ask even though I just said that he's okay. It seems funny to me.

"I am", comes a raspy whisper. "Cold."  
"Don't worry about, the cold will go away soon", I reply with a smile, but I doubt he sees it. "Does your ankle hurt?"

Kili takes a moment before nodding. "It does."

I close my eyes as I shake my head. "It probably will. You hurt it really bad out there."

"Did- did you find me?" he asks, clearly eyeing me with half closed brown eyes of his. I nod a little, forcing a little smile on my lips.  
"I did. Me and uncle, we found you."  
"Why w-were you out? You're sick", Kili says, his voice shaking. He really _is_ cold.

I laugh a little. "When I realized you weren't home, I got so worried that even mom couldn't tell me to stay home."

It seems like my answer makes Kili feel no better at all. "But you shouldn't have, now you're.."  
"My fever didn't go away nor went it worse. I am okay, really, Kili. Believe me on this one. If I had been too sick, I wouldn't have come."

That is obviously a lie -even if I had a broken leg I would still have gone, because it's Kili we're talking about- but I hope it makes him feel better and sleep a little better, too.

"Liar", Kili says with a small smile on his lips. My eyes start to get used to the darkness, so I see better already.

"You got me", I tell him with a small laugh. "But it's still late, Kili. How about we go back to sleep?"

He nods again, closing his eyes. Maybe the idea was a good one to him, I don't know, but it's a relief he wants to sleep. Sleeping it off, it makes things better faster.

I just hope that when we wake up in the morning, things really _are _better.

I wait a little bit until Kili is asleep again, and then go back to my own, warm bed.


	6. Chapter 6: Vera

An: See? It's not three weeks late! Okay, in all seriousness. I meant to publish this yesterday **but as I was finishing this chapter my laptop died and I lost the whole chapter. **Now I'm rewriting this but gosh, I hate re-writing an entire chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

I wake up to Fili shaking me hard. I instinctively push him away and fall back on to my bed, my head sinking inside the pillow. I breath heavily. That had been the most awful bad dream I had ever had.

Fili staggers backwards and almost trips from the power of my shove. I did not mean to push him that hard - I didn't even mean to push him at all!

"I'm sorry", I hurry to say, sitting up quickly but not too quickly, not to hurt my ankle even more. I had woken up during the night countless of times and I already knew how much it hurt to move that foot.

He shrugs, sitting down on to his own bed. "It's okay. I know you had a nightmare", he says and flashes me a little grin. "I remember that one time you punched me during a nightmare. This is nothing."

A laughter escapes my lips, and I nod. "Didn't you get a black eye?"

"I did", he replies and ducks his head, shaking it, then glancing at me. "How are you feeling?"

My answer isn't the simplest one. I'm still a little bit cold, not disturbingly, but still cold, and my ankle throbs painfully to the rhythm of my heartbeat. If I do as little as shift it, it hurts like hell and the pain is agonizing for a few long minutes. If I keep it still, it's bearable. I'm hungry and thirsty and I hate being this helpless.

Fili cringes, eyeing me and then my ankle. It's covered under my trousers and he can see nothing, but it doesn't prevent him from looking at it.

"Mom said that she'll ask the healer to come by today", Fili mentions after a few minutes of silence. "She hopes that he'll give some herbs to help with the pain and maybe bind your ankle so you can't move it."

"That's what he'd probably do", I say with a smirk. "I broke my wrist last summer, remember?"

"You and broken bones walk hand-in-hand I see", Fili laughs and leans back on his bed. I huff.

"You're so good to talk. I remember you _sitting _on your own hand and breaking a few fingers, I mean, even I couldn't pull that off."

"Shut up, Kili."

We laugh a little and then mom bursts in. She is holding a bowl of soup in her hands. Her hair is messy and un-braided for some reason.

Her face softens as she sees me sitting up in an awkward position (because of my ankle, naturally). She sighs deeply and comes to me, sitting on the edge of the bed, handing me the soup. "Here you go, Kili. It's good to see you awake. Are you feeling okay?"

I nod. "Well, yes, kind of. My ankle hurts when I move it, but otherwise I'm okay."

She shakes her head, glancing at the ankle. Because it's still covered, she gently pulls the fabric up a little, only to see my swollen and bluish ankle. It's still bent in an odd angle but in that angle it doesn't hurt so I don't complain. Mom, on the other hand, seems a bit shocked.

"It looks even worse than yesterday", she says as I take the first spoonful of my soup.

"You shouldn't be surprised", Fili comments. "He had a nightmare and he really spun around the bed. It's no wonder if it's a little sore and.. ugly."

Mom shoots a glance at me and shakes her head again. "I'll ask the healer to come by today", she only says, leaving the room, and so it's just me and Fili again.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I notice is that the room is empty and someone is knocking my door. I actually feel better already, tired and sore but better. Getting up to open the door isn't going to happen anytime soon, so I just gently sit up and tell the knocker to come in.

An older female dwarf with a shiny, golden hair and a great beard steps in. Her clothes are clean and they look expensive. I bet that she's the healer.

"Good day", she greets me happily as she walks through the room to my bed. She has a gentle and wide smile on her lips. "How are you feeling?"

Somehow it's hard to find the words to reply - maybe I'm still just tired - but I manage to blur our that I'm feeling quite okay.

"Great", she says and pulls the chair from the corner of the room beneath her. "I suppose you don't mind if I sit on this? I'm slowly getting old and standing up for long, long periods of time is.. well, not good for my hip. I guess you don't know this yet, but you will, eventually."

I grin, nodding. "I guess so."

"So, what is your name, boy?"

"Kili."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kili. My name is Vera, and your mother asked me to come see you. She told me that you were in an accident", she says, raising her other eyebrow, as an order to tell her more about it. I sigh, nodding again.

I shift on the bed a little, careful not to move my ankle. I tell her the shortened version of that evening -and probably night, as well. I tell her, in all honesty, that I don't know how long I was there or how many times I fell unconscious. She listens very carefully, eyeing me the whole time. She nods now and then to tell me she is listening.

Halfway through the little story of mine Fili comes in, very quietly not to disturb us, and just sits on his own bed, listening too.

And when I stop, Vera opens her mouth. "I'm sorry to hear that. But you made it out alive, and that is all that matters. Most wouldn't have survived the coldness, even without the injuries."

I glance at Fili, who looks somehow broken, before turning my head back to the healer. "The pain also kept me.. sane, if you know what I mean. Whenever I was drifting off or imagining stuff, the pain from my ankle helped."

"And also probably made the injury worse. But that is why I am here now. First I'll have to examine your head injury. There is not much I can do, really, so you'll have to answer these questions honestly and only with that information I can do something. Do you understand?"

I nod as a yes, so she begins. "Do you feel light-headed when you get up, or does your head ache?"

"Well, no and no. At first, maybe, when I woke up for the first time. But no, not anymore."

"Very well. Do you see black dots or any kind of patterns when you hear loud noise or see a bright light, sun, for example?"

"I can't know yet. I haven't.."

"You should also keep it that way."

The questions kept going for another few minutes, and in the end Vera knew that my head was pretty much okay, and the hit hadn't caused any permanent damage. That is good, very good, she says with a smile, but also tells that I should drink some tea made of herbs just in case.

Then she moves on to my ankle. She examines it carefully and then orders me to lay down, which I do. Vera pokes my ankle with some weird-looking sticks before gently rubbing some white ointment on the swollen part. It's really painful, and as a groan escapes my lips Fili is by my side in matter of seconds, holding his hand on my shoulder and telling me that the pain will end soon.

And when the pain of the ointment spreading finally ends, another kind of pain takes place, and now I can't hold back a short scream. Vera straightens my ankle and it feels like my leg is on fire, that it's slowly melting into nothingness and it hurts and I can't think straight and _Mahal make it stop_

"Kili! Breathe, for God's sake!"

Fili's yell snaps me out of the pain, and I take a deep, deep breath. It hurts, it really hurts. I can feel her binding the ankle to a hard object to keep it straight. My eyes meet Fili's, and even though he looks scared and sick, he somehow looks very brave and sure at the same time.

I grin at him, letting the breath out. "It hurts, Fili", I whisper, tightly closing my eyes as another wave of pain swims over my lower body. My hand grabs Fili's shirt and as I open my eyes again, I can see him smiling at me, trying to hold his brave expression. I bet that seeing me in the forest was too much for him to bear, and add this..

And then, just like that, Vera is done. The pain is still there, throbbing and sending flashing waves of pain up my leg, but they grow weaker after every throb.

Somehow I'm too exhausted to do anything, I just lay there and stare at the ceiling. Fili looks at Vera, smiling gently at her. "Thank you, Vera."

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine. I'm sorry that setting and binding a broken bone is such a painful procedure, but now it should only take three or four weeks before you'll be up and going with no trouble at all. I'll tell your mother to bring you something for the pain, if that is okay for you."

"It is, thank you", Fili replies for me and glances at me. "Is there anything he should do and not do?"

"Oh, yes. Do not give any weight on the ankle for two weeks, and I suggest not getting up from the bed if that is only possible. After those two weeks I'll come back and examine the ankle again. Whenever it hurts, drink the stuff I will give your mother. It tastes awful but it helps. If you do have to get up, use crutches. I don't have any to give, but I am sure you'll be able to buy those from the city."

I grin now, still out of it. "Sure", I say and raise my head to see her better, and thank her. She nods as an answer and leaves the room.


	7. Chapter 7: Fili knows everything

An: I'm leaving to Turkey on next Tuesday and I promise I'll do my best to finish this fic before that, but I'm not promising anything. And I actually meant to write this chapter yesterday, but I have a high fever and I'm constantly dizzy as fuck and I've just slept through these two days - so well, I'm writing now. My thoughts are really disorientated so forgive any mistakes, please? I always fall sick on the best possible day.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

The first few days went alright. It was boring but bearable, and because Fili was sick too he spent a lot time with me. Uncle Thorin went to do the journey that I didn't make, and soon we had a lot food and herbs again. He told the family about my situation so they sent me some extra food and the little girl of the family even sent me her doll to 'make me feel better', as uncle told me with a grin.

The doll is well made, soft and actually pretty cute with her blonde hair and red cheeks. It lies next to me when I sleep and even though Fili often laughs at it, I don't have heart to leave it alone somewhere. The small girl sent it to me, so I'll definitely use it.

But as I said, the first _few_ days went alright. Then Fili was up and healthy and doing stuff and I was left alone for the most parts of the day.

I lay on my bed, wiggling my leg that isn't broken and drumming my fingers to my stomach. I hum a song that mom used to sing to us when me and Fili were younger, and even though it is an old song, it's still good.

Mahal, how can it be this boring? I have no idea what the time is, I'm a little hungry already and my body is turning numb from all the lying around. _Would it hurt if I sat up for a moment and stared through the window for a little? If I'm careful I could do it without mom getting concerned. _

With a sigh I slowly drag my body upwards, then sitting fully up. The position is -again- a bit awkward, with my another leg perfectly straight in front of me and my other leg bent more comfortably, but I manage to flip around so I see the window. I am super careful not to touch the floor with my broken ankle or its foot as I, for some reason, stand up as well.

I hop the few jumps to the window and then lean against the wall a little, looking outside. _I did it, oh my God. I can move around_, I notice and smile a little. I feel like I did something huge, and well, I kinda did.

So I just stand there for a while, another leg in the air, staring outside. The wind is blowing hard and it makes snow fly everywhere, and it looks pretty beautiful but freezing as well. I can see mom walking outside, dragging a pile of wood behind her. Fili walks after her in a minute, carrying wood too. It takes them a minute or so to get inside, and I can hear the familiar noise of our front door being closed.

My leg starts to get a little numb, so I decide to sit back down.

* * *

I'm about to drift off when I hear someone enter the room. I raise my head only to see Fili walk in, his cheeks still red from the cold air outside. He is holding a bowl in his hands and lays it down on to the nightstand next to me.

"Mom was thinking that you're probably hungry", he says and sits on his own bed. "So she told me to bring this to you."

I nod, sitting up. "Thanks, I am hungry." _And bored and lonely, _I add in my mind. _Would you please stay for a while? It has been three days since you spent more than half an hour with me. I doubt I'll say this out loud so just once read my mind. _

Fili shifts on his bed and then bends down to take off his shoes. A good start, I think with a grin and take the bowl of hot soup. Man, I really am hungry. Mom is busy too and even though she makes me food four times a day, I still get hungry between those times.

"I'm not going out anymore", Fili says with a grin as he is done untying his shoes. "I told mom I was exhausted and needed some rest. I figured that you'd want some company." He throws his shoes to the corner and sits on his bed more comfortably, pulling his knees up. I nod with a smile. _Yessss._

"That's great", I tell him, tasting the soup. A little tasteless - mom isn't exactly a cook - but good. "I've been really bored, to be honest."

"I hope you haven't tried anything stupid", Fili replies, eyeing me and my leg. I shrug.  
"Depends on what you mean by stupid."  
"Stupid as in moving around."

I can't help a laugh and I almost spit out some soup as well. Almost. "No! Why would you think that?"

Fili gives me a knowing look and shakes his head a little. "First of all, because I know you. And secondly, I saw you looking at us from that window", he says and laughs a little. "Kili, I am your older brother. Do you really think you could keep secrets from me?"

"You don't know everything", I say and eat another spoonful. He does _not _know everything, I'm sure of that.

"I know most of the stuff, honestly Kili. Test me", he tells me with a giggle. "Ask me anything."

"My first crush?"

"That would be Maendi."

"Well, that was easy anyways", I say with another shrug and a grin. "I bet you don't know my biggest wish right now."

My brother laughs. "That's impossible!"

I smirk as well, shaking my head. "It's not. If you know me..."

"Alright, just wait a little", he says with a sigh. "Umm.. it either has something to do with your condition or the weather. I know you hate snow and I also know that you hate having to be so still all the time."

"Kind of", I say with a surprised expression. "I want crutches. To be able to move around."

Fili's face brightens a little as he nods in understanding. Suddenly he is out of the room and heading downstairs, and I'm left alone in the darkening room. I continue to eat my soup, shrugging Fili's disappearance off. He'll come back soon, I know it.

And it doesn't take long until he does come back. And when I see what he is dragging behind him, I can't hold back a smile. "Fili! Where did you steal those from?"

He hands the crutches to me and sits on his own bed again, eyeing me and my crutches with a child-like excited smile on his lips. "Uncle Thorin got them from the city. He said we should wait a few days more before giving them to you, but I know you better. You'll hurt yourself soon if you jump around without these, so.. I figured it's better to give these to you now."

I can't believe this. Really? Woah.

"Thank you", I manage to say as I stumble up and hop around with the crutches. "These are just my size, too!"

"Do you really think uncle would buy expensive crutches that are the wrong size? Anyways, don't still move around more than necessary. Mom will kill me if you hurt yourself with those."

I smirk. "I promise."


	8. Chapter 8: the game with rocks

An: I'm back from Turkey! I meant to write there but honestly, I barely had time to do my homework with all the walking around and partying going on. I'm not gonna bore you with meaningless little facts about my trip, but I had very good time, got a few kisses and even developed a strong crush. **Anyways,** I'm here now and I have my laptop open and I will write.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

Getting the crutches was the best thing that happened to me. I can actually move around, even if it's slow and a bit hard and long distances -which means hopping from our room to the kitchen downstairs- really take their toll on me on some days. My palms and hands are a bit sore all the time, but not disturbingly, because even though I'm not as muscular and strong as Dwalin or uncle Thorin, I'm not weak either. I have the strength to hop around.

Outside is the one place I cannot go, though. Mom clearly denied me from going outside in a good while - I'll have to sit inside until I can walk with no problems at all, and that will still take weeks.

So, I use my days hopping around, eating, talking and sleeping. It's mostly boring, but the moments with Fili, when he really is there sitting _with _me, always brighten my day a lot. I don't know why, but the saying "you'll only miss something when it's gone" really describes my life right now. I didn't know someone could miss cold air that bites into your bones or those annoying small fights with your siblings or the householding works. But it seems like you can miss even those things.

One day I make the mistake of whining about my boredom to mom. "Listen to me, Kili. Be grateful you're even here. Few more hours in that snow and you'd be dead - don't you dare complain now. This is much better than having to bury your cold little body, and you know it, so stop whining and go to your room." Even though she is right (as always), her answer only successfully lowered my mood. But I obey her, climb up the endless stairs and sit on my bed until Fili comes in, asking why mom was so stressed out downstairs.

"Did something happen?" asks Fili with worry on his face. I shrug, rolling my eyes.

"Depends on who you ask. Ask me, nothing. But mother would probably say yes."

He frowns, shaking his head a little. "Kili, listen, I know you're bored and angry, but please, it's not mom's fault." His eyes land on me, and quickly he glances at my leg -maybe thinking that I didn't see the little glance- and then looks back into my eyes with his lighter colored ones.

"I didn't even say anything bad", I mutter. Not that I'm angry, because I'm not, I just hate the everlasting boredom and feeling of loneliness. It's like back in the forest, just with less pain and clearer head. I don't know which would be better, to be honest. Dizziness and I-don't-know-what-is-happening would be good right now. I'd get some peace from the feeling of being alone.

Or maybe not. It's boring but the brief moments with Fili, the laughs and jokes and games.. I enjoy them more now.

Fili nods, biting his lip. "Fine. Just- she's doing anything she can, okay? But the storm last night broke a fence outside and we all have been busy trying to fix it before it is completely lost. Mom is tense because if we can't fix it, we'll have to wait until spring and that will cost too much for her liking."

Oh. I didn't even know about that.

"I get it", I say and raise my hands into the air. "I'll be good." I have no interest in fighting over nothing right now.

My big brother smiles at me and nods, looking satisfied with me. "Great to hear that. I'll have to help uncle for a little while longer, but after that I'll come here and we'll continue our game, okay? No way I'm letting you win!"

I can't help a laughter. "I won two times already, Fili, you only once. Can't you just admit that I'm better than you?" Because it's true. We have this game we developed when we were kids - it's quite simple. We place two bigger rocks on the ground side by side, draw a circle few meters away from it and try to throw smaller rocks at the big rock. Whoever gets his big rock to the circle first wins. And I win almost every time.

"We shall see about that", Fili says with a grin and ducks his head for a short moment. "Anyways, I have to go back outside. Will you put the game ready? Remember, the rock with red dot -"  
"It's yours, I know", I tell him with a smile on my lips. "Don't be there for too long, okay?"  
"I'll try to come back as soon as I just can."

With that he is gone again and I'm left alone on my bed, but this time I don't feel so crappy.

* * *

Somehow a scream echoes past my lips even though I use all my willpower not to cry out. For half a second I can see the stairs, and then it's just pain everywhere, in my head, in my shoulder, in my back, in my chest, and most of all, in my leg. All I can hear is my own cries and the 'thump' of my body hitting the stairs one after another. The moment is short, maybe four seconds or so, and when I stop it's quiet everywhere for a second or so and painless as well and then the reality hits me. And it's only pain again.

I am laying on my back, desperate to get some air into my lungs. I cough and -I hate to admit this but- I cry. My leg feels like it's nothing but pure pain, like the bone is sticking out of my leg or worse. My whole body aches, it hurts, but it is nothing compared to the pain in the leg. I can't get myself to look at it - I don't want to see.

And during this all the only thing I can think about is how mom will be angry at me.

_I have to get up_, I think. _She can't know I fell. She cannot. She will literally kill me if she finds out, if she walks in now she will get so mad at me. I can't let her down again. I have to get up. _

It isn't a surprise that it's easier said than done. I try to move my arms so I can pick myself up, but as I place any weight on them, they feel like they'll snap. So I just lie there and cry for the first time in many many days.

It doesn't take long for somebody to come in. I can only hear the door slamming shut and some steps - and immediately I know it's Fili. I would recognize those steps anywhere, anytime. Something tells me I have to hide (_he can't see me like this, he will be so disappointed, am I really this weak_) but as I am unable to move, I just shut up and try to be as quiet as I can.

But it takes him only half a minute to discover me, and in mere seconds he is by my side, cupping my chin. "Kili! Kili, oh Mahal, are you- what happened?" He doesn't even wait for my answer before he's out, and I can hear his distant yells - _mom! mom! uncle Thorin! THORIN! It's Kili, he fell! _


	9. Chapter 9: Odd excitement

An: Autumn holiday, oh how have I waited for you.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hobbit

* * *

Fili wasn't mad at me for falling. Nah, he was just worried like he always is. Mom, on the other hand, was worried _and_ angry. I think she was angry at me because I really gave her a scare, not because I fell, but what can I do about it? It's not like I wanted to slip and fall down. But anyways, I somehow understand her anger.

And so I was ordered to stay in bed. My crutches were taken away from me (even though Vera told them that my leg hadn't gotten worse and I was just as okay as I had been before my slip) and the days turned out to be as boring as they had been before the help of the crutches, but mom only seemed to enjoy the idea of me lying there and doing nothing all day long. I got frustrated and angry at everyone, just because I was so goddamn bored and lonely all the time.

Around five days went like that. I slept a lot which kept me up at nights, which made me even more frustrated. The sound of Fili peacefully sleeping in the same room just made me want to scream at anyone and everyone and it was just horrible. I understood that he had a lot work to do outside, and couldn't spend a lot time with me, but I couldn't find enough strength to care.

So the days went past all the same, just blurred together.

Until one day Vera popped into my room, followed my my angry mother. "I told you not to come in!" mom yells. Vera simply shrugs her off and walks over to me, smiling gently. Mom looks angry and like she is ready to kill someone with her bare hands, but she -surprisingly- says nothing anymore.

"How are you feeling, Kili?"

I consider telling her the truth, but mom is standing in the same room with us. Even though I'm kinda angry at her too, for some reason, I don't want that she gets angry at me. So I end up telling Vera I'm fine.

Vera looks like she doesn't buy it. Her raises her brows and eyes me in question, and then probably somehow realizes that mom's presence is bothering me. I don't understand how Vera can be that wise, but she is. With a soft voice she asks if mom could leave us alone for a minute, and after a moment of arguing mom leaves. I don't know what is going on in my mother's head, but I assume that something is broken again and that is why she is tense.

"So, how are you really?" Vera asks with a small laughter. "Don't bother lying to me, boy. I've had enough patients to know when someone lies."

I blush even though I don't want to. "I'm.. frustrated. I guess that is the word." And that is how it is, in all honesty. I'm frustrated and angry, but I'll leave the angry part out. It doesn't help my situation.

"Hmh", Vera mutters, dragging the chair from the corner underneath her. "And have you been moving around a lot?"

"No", I tell her. "They took the crutches away, remember?"

"Oh, yes, they did. That is not good at all."

I can't help a shrug. "Mostly boring."

She nods in understanding and shifts on the hard chair, digging to her large bag. "I have no cure for the boredom, but I do have some medicine here. I assume your ankle still aches?"

"It does, sometimes. Not that often anymore, but sometimes", I say with a grin. "And it's far more bearable now. I don't think I could support myself yet, but it's better now. Your herbs must work."

From her bag she finds a big metallic can. It looks new and it's still shiny, and it's decorated with small white dots. Vera hands it over to me, and I examine the can in curiosity. Its lid looks easy to open, so I do so.

"Be careful with the liquid inside. It's not a common medicine, and expensive one too, but knowing your situation with money, I will give it to you. It helps the bone get better faster", Vera explains, and I glance at her, careful not to move to can while it's open, not to waste any of the stuff inside. "It includes water, some herbs and healing powders of all sorts."

Wow. Suddenly the liquid didn't sound as appealing. Herbs were okay, but powders usually tasted gross and all that mixed together? No thank you. Before I could say anything, though, Vera opens her mouth again. "I know it sounds awful, but the taste is made better with some sugar. That will also help you gather some strength."

I giggle a little. "You really think of everything, don't you?"

"It's my job, boy", Vera says with a warm smile and gets up from the chair. "Now it's your turn to do something. Sit up."

Small panic rushes over my body. I don't want to. Whatever it is I'll have to do, I'm not sure if I want to. But I do as she told me to, because who am I to disagree with a doctor who is helping me recover? She probably knows better than me.

I lay the can on the nightstand as I sit up and look at Vera. "What now?"

"Now you stand up."

Groan escapes my lips. Standing up has been the one thing I dream about when I sleep, but now when I have to do it, I don't want to. What if I fall again and hurt myself even more? What if I accidentally give that leg too much weight and I manage to mess it up even more? I don't want to stand up. And I tell Vera that.

"Kili, Kili, Kili..." she sighs. "I have dealt with broken ankles many many times. How long has it been since you broke it?"

"Uhh.. Two and half weeks?"

"Exactly. Two weeks and four days, to be exact. Three weeks is the time when I usually recommend a little bit moving and gathering some strength", she tells me with a smart expression on her face. "The muscles of your foot and ankle are weak after this long period of time of not giving the leg any weight. You need to start giving it weight little by little in order to be able to walk. It's the same thing after, say, you break your wrist. After four weeks of having the cast you won't be able to move your wrist a lot or lift heavy things. Same goes to your ankle."

I smirk, asking "Won't it hurt?" because I am full of being in pain. If I can avoid pain, I will.

"It'll probably feel uncomfortable at first, but as long as you don't support your whole weight on that leg, it shouldn't be painful. Exhausting maybe. Start giving it just a little bit weight and add more day by day is what I'd say."

"Fine", I sigh and shake my head. "You better be right."

It takes a few tries, but soon I'm on my feet -well, more like on my foot- and I don't need to take a hold of the wall in order to stay up. That is when Vera tells me to slowly give some weight on the other foot as well, and I obey. This really uncomfortable feeling, as if I had ran several kilometers straight, climbs up my leg. But it doesn't hurt, and it makes me feel like a winner.

And Mahal it feels good to stand up. I can't help a wide smile spreading on my lips.

Vera smiles as well. "That's great, Kili. You're doing much better than my patients usually. Should I call your mother up here?"

I am about to nod, but then I change my mind, as I realize mom would just probably be angry at me for being up from my bed. "Can you just get Fili here?" I ask. I want him to see what I can do. This small thing, standing up on my own, feels so big and it makes me feel a little bit stupid. But I don't care. The feeling is awesome.

"Of course. Wait a minute, honey. Sit down, if you wish."

Sure. I sit down, tired, but happier than ever. It doesn't take long for Vera to return with my brother - Fili looks out of breath and his cheeks are all red. He must have been outside.

"What?" asks Fili, sitting down onto his own bed. He eyes me in curiosity, his brows furrowing.

I laugh a little. "Look", I tell him and stand up again, doing as I did earlier - slowly giving the leg some weight. The smile spreading on Fili's face is almost as wide as mine was, and he jumps up in excitement.

"That is awesome, Kili!" he almost yells and eyes me. "Wow, it's odd to see you standing."

I can't help a giggle. "I know, it's odd to stand.. But I _can, _Fili!"

Suddenly he is in front of me and pulls me in a warm hug. I hug him back, just happy to be able to.

* * *

Oh, and anyone who uses more glasses than lenses knows Kili's excitement. I'd compare his happiness to the weird excitement of being able to see when you have lenses on. I mean, I can't feel my glasses or see the edges after using them for like seven years now, but still. I have used lenses maybe two times in my whole life, and it's just this odd but awesome feeling to be able to see without glasses. Or maybe the feeling when you get your cast off and you can actually move the part of your body you broke. I've broken my wrist once and the feeling of being able to move my wrist was something really great.

Anyways, one more chapter to go, people. :)


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